my name is mel☮dy. i love music and writing. i am passionate and messy. i love my two dogs, and i love weed. i am a scorpio sun, leo moon, and a gemini rising. i love the ocean. i love the turbulence and chaos of the crashing waves, and i love the way they look as they crest against wet sand. i love the way the waves roar harder under slabs of moonlight and the visceral rush of being yanked into's it's exhilerating waters. i love Yellowjackets and my favorite character is Nat. i love Spiderman. i am born and raised in the Bay Area, but i love california in it's entirety. from the coastal edges, to the antique charm of San Francisco. with it's steep hills, pretty idiosyncratic houses, and nasty winds. i love california from it's maddeningly electrifying deserts, to the sinister haze of the City of Angels in all of it's kitschy, eerie oddities. in my opinion, there would be no better place for me to have grown up than california. though, it is my life's goal to travel around the world. i would love especially to travel to europe. i've always loved photography. i love to capture the world around me through my eyes, and i love that photography is one of the closest ways to experience another's life. i am in love with the world, enamored by it. i love people and strangers, i love the way the sun filters through tunnels of trees, and i love the way streetlights glow against pavement. i love Elliott Smith, but i refrain from listening to him too much nowadays. music is frequency, and it does me no good to vibrate on low levels intensely. one of my favorite albums of all time is Stories From The City, Stories From The Sea by PJ Harvey. i love her and i think she perfectly captures feelings i've always thought to be indescribable as a woman. my favorite tarot card is the tower. i know many people say it's infamous and the deck's most feared, but there is nothing more alluring and tantalizing to me than the sudden upheaval of transformation, and the satisfaction of rebirth. i desire change, always. i am everchanging. as i write this, i have already thought of the regrets i am going to have for what i feel like saying, despite how shallow some of it might be. i do not like to speak about myself because i exist in sometimes's, in-betweens, and paradoxes. i did not want to write this. in fact, i was planning on leaving this page with a picture of my birth chart, and I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO SAY ABOUT ME THAT YOU CANT FIND FOR YOURSELF. i think that point still stands. i am hoping from this website, there is nothing i need to verbalize about myself, but i will, because now i want to. sometimes i feel as though nothing about myself can ever be decisively true, because there is nothing about me that is not endlessly growing, nor inadvertently unable to be dishonest in other moments. i feel as though sometimes i exist in between worlds, and sometimes i feel as if i do not exist at all. i sometimes catch myself desperate to be seen and heard as if being understood constitues existence, as if it really means anything at all. i used to think bleeding my heart out for unnatural depth would uphold my existence, but there is nothing that makes me feel more alive than solitude. i need it and i cherish it. i love my own company and i love the peace of being with myself. it is healing to me, and one of my favorite ways to be in this world. when i am out alone, amongst sprawling hills covered in infinite greenery, where tops of lavender decorate the monotony, i feel in tune with the universe and my spirit. i feel as if i am vibrating on another plane of consciousness, dissolved into the earth's core. i love when the sun's heat licks at my skin, and the the way water chills my bones. i love the tickle of grass against my ankles, and the slight breeze of driving with the windows down. i love the way nature defines me. i want to be everything. i am everything, and nothing at all. nothing that the earth can't show for me. the chaos of water, the passion of the sun, the modesty and reservation of the ground, and the playful spontaneity of the wind. everything in extremes, when i probably would fair better with a life of moderation. i am an adrenaline junkie, and the only rush to rival the latter is the one i get out of making art. i suppose sometimes that'd be the wiser way to satiate my hunger for thrill, but i also suppose that i am old enough to be aware yet young enough not to care. my love language is words of affirmation and acts of service. i value quality time as well, but i think that's a given. i have a six-planet scorpio stellium in the 5th house, which i think very much aligns with how i feel i am, and the things i prioritize. love, pleasure, and expression. a few years ago, i discovered the principles of hedonism through The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, and i heavily resonated with it. i held it as my highest philosophy, which i think slightly tracks. i also once leaned towards nihilism, which i still find myself using as a vice occasionally, but now more as a tool than a way to live. i think nihilism is an instrument well-played in society and the manmade concept of what should and shouldn't be, because there is nothing truly and fully honest in either, nor any choice. either/or is a structure. do both. now, i feel as though absurdism and stoicism is what i would like to base my life on. i feel as though i live life in passive observation, but i would still like to improve on not letting external factors and those i cannot cantrol effect me. my favorite type of all art is stream-of-consciousness. i love the way you can see how a person spills out across their work, their mind fully and totally bare. i believe in karma and karmic tails, but i'd like to think i take care of my soul for the person i will be in my next life. matrix destiny, astrology in every form including scientific, and human design are all things i find fascinating. i love psychology and the human brain. i love physical media, and i own an extensive collection of CDs, vinyls, magazines, literature, and art books. i wish the world only digitalized what needed to be, and left it at that. i love dressing up for no occasions, i love fashion, and i love expressing myself through it. i think it took me years to truly find my own style, but i feel as if now i am completely myself. i love to read, and my favorite book i've read recently is Slow Days, Fast Company by Eve Babitz. my friends mean so much to me, and i believe there is nothing higher and more unconditional than platonic love. i hold them very closely to my heart. humans need community and connection, and despite what modern culture might say and it's overemphasis on hyperindependence, there is no shame in craving it. once you experience any form of genuine love, why would you not? everything i've ever loved has engraved itself into my soul so deeply. love and rage are the rawest forms of humanity, but all good things come from love as an action. the two sexiest and most stimulating matters in life are depth and vulnerability. i once asked two of my best friends what they thought my greatest fear was; one said the universe, and the other said having no love. i believe both to be true. completely spot on. a higher, omnipotent power, and losing my entire existence. i am sometimes afraid the world will break me down and rid me of my heart, but one can never conquer the other when they need eachother to exist. this value in itelf is a reason why i love Supergirl and Superman so much. i know they can be presumed as boring, picture perfect superheroes, but to me there is nothing more complex than a person who loses their entire world to mass destruction and still chooses love. still grows to be a paragon of hope. still chooses to see the good in humanity, and still consciously chooses to be pure of heart through moral obligation. love is nothing if not being chosen. i could go on, but i no longer want to write about myself— as if writing in itself doesn't create an egotist. find my mind and soul overflowing across every page, if you want. :333